Top Ten Current Fattest Athletes in Sports

10- Glen Davis- Maybe it’s hard to view him as fat, but I had to put someone from the NBA. His nickname of course is big baby, but that’s because its short for baby back ribs. I heard since Amare called him fat hes been doing crunches daily….Nestle crunches.

9-Pablo Sandoval- Your about to notice a trend of baseball players, which may start to qualify it as the laziest sport. Whenever you are nicknamed (Panda) after a big animal you know you are fat. Most athletes are named after agile and ferocious animals and this guy is named after a giant, cuddly bear. He dove for a ball to the left the other day and caused a shift in the San Andreas fault.

8-Shaun Rogers- Of course NFL lineman are supposed to be huge but not that huge. Plus he plays for the Lions, which is like playing for the Mets these days. Sadly enough, he has the same nickname as Glen Davis and the Lions usually rank last in the league in fumble recoveries because this man tries to eat the ball instead of just falling on it.

7- Prince Fielder- In his defense, his dad was also fat but still there is no need to have a stomach that large. I just feel bad for the team trying to give him a contract because they are going to have to offer him 2 because he is the size of 2 people

6-Joe Blanton- Yes, he pitches for my favorite team and yes he did hit a home run in the World Series but lets face it, he was out of breath by the time he reached home plate and his ERA seems to always creep up around the same number as his weight ( Current Era- 5.50)

5-C.C Sabathia- The alternate spelling of his first name is CiCi, in honor of the phenomenal pizza buffet. It’s hard to rip on his skill because he is one of the best left handed pitchers in the game. Thank god the Yankees have such a high payroll because most of it contributes to stitching his fat ass a uniform that is loose on him. Maybe the tarp would be a better fit and be more cost effective.

4-Tony Stewart- Listen, we don’t have to sit here and debate whether NASCAR is a real sport because the bottom line is Tony Stewart is fat. I don’t watch much NASCAR and I know Jordan is creaming his pants at the thought of this being here, but I guess it would make sense that he is fat. I believe he spends the longest making a pit stop because he uses his headset as an ordering tactic for food.

3- Albert Haynesworth- Ok, I know I have been pushing for this guy to come to the Eagles, but realistically I just want Andy Reid to at least have someone to relate to. After signing a typical Redskins contract, this fat idiot failed the fitness test. The portion he probably failed was the skinfold because they didn’t have a pair of tongs to measure his stomach.

2- Jared Lorenzen- LOL is the first thing that comes to mind. Okay he’s not technically active, nor ever really has ever been is his life, but what were the credentials to be a starting QB at his college? Ohh I know, considering he went to Kentucky , the lineman had a KFC eat off and the loser was considered the skinniest and most able to play QB. He does have a super bowl ring though , pictures do confirm it is in fact an onion ring

1- John Daly- I understand golf involves no athleticism (I didn’t say no skill) considering you actually drive a vehicle to your next shot, but don’t at least his tits get in the way on the backswing? I know this is in no order, but holy shit. If there was a category for fattest, laziest, and biggest slopper he would take the cake and im sure that’s how he would want it.



Johhny Boy Cooling Off


Thank you for the great response for "Fat Guy, Little Tube" and if you haven't checked it out yet, please do because you will laugh your ass off

The Sloppers

Once we discovered the beyond awesome response from our fans via comments, facebook, and twitter, I knew it was only a matter of time before someone stepped up and wanted to add to the awesomeness of this blog.  Well, here it is everyone.  Guest writer and beloved fellow slopper, Chris Rohman chimes in with his guest post for Too BIG 4 Society.

I hit a huge growth spurt going into my freshman year of high school measuring me at 6'2, and I haven’t grown an inch since (vertically). Growing drastically in a short amount of time made me quite uncoordinated and rather sloppy. I had zero hand-eye coordination and couldn’t juke a blind folded kid on crutches. I tried out for a receiving position in football because I thought they score all the touchdowns and get all the bitches. I failed miserably. I dropped every pass thrown to me and the only thing I caught was coach talking shit about me on the sidelines saying something like “what the fuck is this kid doing here?” Coach finally got fed up with my disgracefulness and said “Buddy go try defense.”  So I took a walk of shame across the field like a girl with her head hung low after a one night stand with one of us.

I stumbled into the defensive linemen’s practicing area near a padded dummy and realized I was the skinniest kid in fat camp, but somehow I felt right at home. I was never enthusiastic about running, up-downs, or bear crawls so these were my kind of guys- round, slow, and unmotivated to do anything physically demanding, a slopper. I don’t remember who said it, but “slopper” became a popular term, fat kid lingo. Ben, Koosh, and Jordan were the big three, I mean I once saw one of them get down in the 3 point stance and roll over onto his face. Gravity was simply not on our side when trying to balance on one hand. I got to know these sloppers mainly during... you guessed it, lunch. After devouring a couple cheesesteaks and some bags of chips we would just lay on big blue mats in the basement or on bleachers at the gym in front of fans, just sloppin around. Over the next few days of practice I realized they were great company at lunch, but you did not want to be around them during practice. These guys uncontrollably ripped ass every time they hit the sled or god for bid had to run for once.

Now, I knew couldn’t match up to them in size or weight but we shared common goals and hardships such as half-assing, chronic laziness, profusely sweating just by standing still, and a deep hunger for Chinese buffet after practice.  Powered by 2-a-day practices, workouts, and a severe case of the munchies, I was able to muster an appetite worthy of a slopper. We would have epic feasts at the Chinese buffet with each of us finishing more plates than you can count on one hand. It was at this point of my life I realized I may not be a slopper in size but I damn sure am a slopper at heart and I was slowly, but surely, becoming Too Big 4 Society.


Oh, and if there any doubts to my slopper credentials.  I pulled a Ben and did this to my chair last night...