The Sloppers

Once we discovered the beyond awesome response from our fans via comments, facebook, and twitter, I knew it was only a matter of time before someone stepped up and wanted to add to the awesomeness of this blog.  Well, here it is everyone.  Guest writer and beloved fellow slopper, Chris Rohman chimes in with his guest post for Too BIG 4 Society.

I hit a huge growth spurt going into my freshman year of high school measuring me at 6'2, and I haven’t grown an inch since (vertically). Growing drastically in a short amount of time made me quite uncoordinated and rather sloppy. I had zero hand-eye coordination and couldn’t juke a blind folded kid on crutches. I tried out for a receiving position in football because I thought they score all the touchdowns and get all the bitches. I failed miserably. I dropped every pass thrown to me and the only thing I caught was coach talking shit about me on the sidelines saying something like “what the fuck is this kid doing here?” Coach finally got fed up with my disgracefulness and said “Buddy go try defense.”  So I took a walk of shame across the field like a girl with her head hung low after a one night stand with one of us.

I stumbled into the defensive linemen’s practicing area near a padded dummy and realized I was the skinniest kid in fat camp, but somehow I felt right at home. I was never enthusiastic about running, up-downs, or bear crawls so these were my kind of guys- round, slow, and unmotivated to do anything physically demanding, a slopper. I don’t remember who said it, but “slopper” became a popular term, fat kid lingo. Ben, Koosh, and Jordan were the big three, I mean I once saw one of them get down in the 3 point stance and roll over onto his face. Gravity was simply not on our side when trying to balance on one hand. I got to know these sloppers mainly during... you guessed it, lunch. After devouring a couple cheesesteaks and some bags of chips we would just lay on big blue mats in the basement or on bleachers at the gym in front of fans, just sloppin around. Over the next few days of practice I realized they were great company at lunch, but you did not want to be around them during practice. These guys uncontrollably ripped ass every time they hit the sled or god for bid had to run for once.

Now, I knew couldn’t match up to them in size or weight but we shared common goals and hardships such as half-assing, chronic laziness, profusely sweating just by standing still, and a deep hunger for Chinese buffet after practice.  Powered by 2-a-day practices, workouts, and a severe case of the munchies, I was able to muster an appetite worthy of a slopper. We would have epic feasts at the Chinese buffet with each of us finishing more plates than you can count on one hand. It was at this point of my life I realized I may not be a slopper in size but I damn sure am a slopper at heart and I was slowly, but surely, becoming Too Big 4 Society.


Oh, and if there any doubts to my slopper credentials.  I pulled a Ben and did this to my chair last night...