WE'VE MOVED! (for once)

It is with great pleasure that I announce for the first time in a while us here at Too Big 4 Society have moved.  And yup, you guessed it as we managed to do so without burning any calories whatsoever.  In fact, we've certainly gained a couple lbs tonight as Koosh and I are currently celebrating the switch to the OFFICIAL www.toobig4society.com with a perfectly fitting "Pig Swig" beer!

Thanks everyone for the amazing success we had here at toobig4society.blogspot.com but we must expand (hopefully not physically) and come to the new website for more hilarious videos, stories and now even merchandise!

www.toobig4society.com

Buffalo Wild Wings gets Too Big 4 Society'd!

Coming back from a rather embarrassing/depressing/demoralizing, all of the above softball practice last weekend we spotted something that made our day.  A ginourmous building that looked like it would actually be able to fit all four of us in it at the same time and serve us sufficiently.  Which apparently is a miracle now days (fuck you pizza wings steaks and things).

The building stuck out like Beavis at a straight bar.  Yes, he ACTUALLY ordered this "eccentric" drink a couple of nights ago...

Anyway, this massive building that caught all of our eyes was a Buffalo Wild Wings.  Something that I've only seen in commercials.  If it wasn't for getting 1 hour of sleep the night before and being blacked out drunk, we would have stopped after that early softball practice.  But the fact that we could barely see straight and couldn't breathe basically solidified the fact that we wouldn't be able to put down beers and wings at the moment.  So naturally, we came back as soon as possible for our first venture in to the world of Buffalo Wild Wings. 

And mother of god was it good.  It was almost like the god of buffalo chicken took a nice wet dump on the wings in front of me.  Fresh, hotter than auschwitz and meaty, these wings were absolutely incredible.

We ordered a shitload of food (duh) and it was a battle.  Somehow Beavis was able to take down all of his wings and fries.  I got done with about 8 and was definitely the bitch of that dinner.  We also got the "buffalo chips" that were alright.  Nothin' special.  Thank god the ones we ordered were raped with cheese, becuase otherwise they woulda sucked.

So head to the BRAND NEW Buffalo Wild Wings in Langhorne, PA over by Oxford Valley Mall.  They have so many TV's in there that even the WNBA was on.  That should be like illegal or something.  I'd prefer they put on gay porn instead of that bs...

Ghost Ride Da Fat!

If you've known us for the last 6 years or so you know 2 things.  We're not skinny and that we think the greatest music video of all time is Mistah FAB's Ghost Ride.  No, not the actual newer video that looks like it cost more than 11 cents to produce.  The original, amazing, hilariously awesome video that looked like a 6 year old shot and produced it.  We're talking about this marvel:

Well guess what fans of Too Big 4 Society!  Along with the new website that is SO close to being up, will come our version of Ghost Ridin'!  Ghost Ride Da Fat!  If you know Jordan's truck you know it'll do perfectly, because that is one large and loud truck for one large and loud man.

Steve Irwin Part II

Watch a dangerous encounter with a pack of Walruses

TooBig4Society All-Time Baseball Team

Recently this summer, we here at TooBig4Society, have been playing a lot of softball. Between the 4 of us, we probably weigh close to a half of ton, so that got me thinking. Who are the fattest baseball players of all time? If I were to combine all of them onto a super team, would it be arguably the best team of all time? Would they be possible of getting atleast 1 stolen base? Would the oxygen tank be implemented into the dugout? Would the scales in the locker rooms be replaced with ones made from Mr. Richter? Anyway, here is my all fat baseball team.

Catcher: Sal Fasano

Who the hell else was I gonna pick? This dude has the best facial hair of all time but that is not why he landed on this list. Fasano will be remembered for being one of the fattest catchers of all time. I don't know how this guy didn't sink into the ground every time he squatted down. I guess the physically demanding position did NOTHING for his girth.

Honorable Mention: The Molina Brothers

First Base: Prince Fielder Like father, like son. Prince Fielder (and Cecil) were appropriately named because they are each the size of the field. Prince is listed as 275 pounds as of right now according to ESPN. Yeah, that's true, if baseball was played on Mars. I'm surprised he hasn't mistaken his bat for a twinkie or Twix yet.

Honorable mention: Cecil Fielder, David "Big Papi" Ortiz, Ryan Howard, Miguel Cabrera, Walter Young, Mo Vaughn

Second Base: Al Newman

This was the toughest one to pick. After much debate and research, he was the only fat second baseman I could find. Rumor has it that Mr. Newman would go in to opposing team clubhouses and ask where the nearest all you can eat buffets are. I wish this surprised me more, but after reading all these articles, it doesn't.

Honorable Mention: Ronnie Belliard

Shortstop: Rafael Ramirez I chose this guy for one reason and one reason alone (besides the whole girth/fat factor). In 1989, when he played for the Astros they put an incentive into his contract. If he could keep his weight down and average a monthly weight of 187 pounds, they would give him $12,500 monthly. Are you fucking kidding me?!?!

Third Base: Pablo Sandoval

This was a no brainer, despite his recent weight loss. I'm sorry Pablo, you will always be fat to me. Ironically, Pablo is on the one team in the whole MLB that describes his body type the best, simply "Giant." Kung Fu Panda actually got his nickname from an altercation at a Chinese buffet called "Panda" when Sandoval beat the shit out of some guy for the remaining dumplings. I'm just kidding but that would of been hysterical. God, I wish that was true

OF: Babe Ruth, Manny Ramirez, Tony Gwynn

Holy shit. Imagine these three in the outfield. God forbid someone hit a line drive into a gap, they would be guaranteed an inside the park homerun.....twice. Mother of God. The only thing slower than these 3 guys combined is molasses in the winter time. I guarantee if I were to hit a Whopper into the outfield, these guys would catch it.

Starting Pitchers: C.C. Sabathia, Carlos Zambrano, Bartolo Colon, David Wells, John Lackey

Weighing in at an impressive one ton, the fat-tastic five are the epitome of fat baseball players. Whether it's C.C.'s 5XL parachute pants or David Wells being hungover all time (his stomach as well as the alcohol hangover) these men are as big as you can possibly get. The only thing that breaks more than their off speed pitches is their back everytime these men try to pitch a ball. Clearly the positions that require conditioning waved bye bye to them a long time ago. True story. When I was at the Phillies v. Red Sox game last month, John Lackey hit a double and from the 200 section, I heard Lackey breathing so heavy, I thought he was going to hunch over and die. Later that night on TV, they actually showed Lackey mouthing to the dugout "I'm tired!" No shit John. When you look like the Michelin man, you will be tired.

Relief Pitchers: Bob Wickman, Bobby Jenks, Jonathan Broxton, Matt Capps, Rich Garces, Antonio Alfonseca, Heath Bell, Todd Coffey

These closers need to learn how to close their frickin mouths. It is hard to tell if these guys are active during the game in the bullpen (HAHAHA). They sweat at the idea that they may have to run or jog to the pitchers mound. The reason why they stopped using bullpen carts was because none of these damn guys could fit in them. When Heath Bell, ironically named after a candy bar, ran out from the bullpen this year at the All Star game, everyone in attendance and watching was afraid he was going to have a heart attack. Sad, ahh not so much. Closers and relief pitchers get the reward for professional athletes who are TooBig4Society.

TooBig4TheVikings

Naturally, football is the one sport that it is okay to be fat and at certain positions, you have to be fat. Incredibly though, Bryant McKinnie of the Minnesota Vikings prescribed to the Ben, Koosh, and Jordan high school football diet and was cut from the team in which the Vikings quoted that his girth was the "final straw". Well I'm sure this isn't his final straw because his next one will be on a large milkshake from Sonic after hearing his unfortunate fate today.

How heavy was he? He gained 65 pounds from his previous season and is now up to 400 pounds. What the fuck did this guy do during the lock out?  Well obviously, the better question is what didn't he do, and the answer is that he clearly did nothing.  Oh well, I already heard he has a contract offer from the Raiders to be the entire offensive line.  Check out the full article below.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Vikings-release-McKinnie-after-he-showed-up-to-c;_ylt=AmUS5orzOts2RSTxrZ3RGGA5nYcB?urn=nfl-wp4459

What happens to your ass after China Buffet?

hahahaha true story.

One Very "Fat" Shoutout

Last night Jordan and I decided we were going to get some ruthless food together (nothing new) prior to killing a 30 and eventually ordering Wendys at 2 AM as our 'desert.'  Anyway, by the time his big ass got to my house it was a solid hr and half later than expected.  Therefore, naturally we were hungrier than a virgin on prom night and were looking for something, anything to clog our arteries before the beer came through and washed it all out.

Then, the heavens opened up as we made that left turn and saw the sign that gave us stomach boners (yes it's a real thing).

Yup, it's a pizza place called Fat Tony's.  If that's not the perfect place for 2 guys that used to kill entire pizza's at sleepovers in high school the night before we had to play in football games, I don't know what is.  Oh, maybe the amazing buffalo chicken cheesesteak we both housed in about 67 seconds.

Also, the menu includes a deep fried pizza that I'm pissed I didnt order to eat when I was drunk.  Because dollar menu Wendy's just does not cut it.  So get you're fat ass to Fat Tony's in Morrisville, PA to get an amazing dinner.  You deserve it.

 Oh and make sure you follow them here at http://fattonypizza.blogspot.com/